


Lies

by Tibbins



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-19
Updated: 2013-07-19
Packaged: 2017-12-20 18:13:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/890311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tibbins/pseuds/Tibbins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Melin is hurting. Arthur wants to help but Merlin won't let him in. What could possibly scare Merlin so? And why is he desperate to get out of Camelot? Rated for violence and gore, very detailed descriptions Merlin/Arthur of course :D</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lies

**Author's Note:**

> This is my longest one-shot to date. And my last ... so far. I'm just copying them from my fanfiction.net account (same pen name) to see if the response is different on here :) a test-drive if you will :P  
> This is set after Merlin has discovered Agravaine's douchebaggery but before Arthur finds out (dense prat as he is) :P  
> BTW: in my Merlin stuff, you'll have to forgive the lack of Gwen ... I don't really like her too much as a character and she just gets in the way of Merthur ;)  
> I had to edit it a bit for this site due to lack of italics (which is really annoying) so thoughts will be marked with - These -  
> Enjoy ^.^

Merlin wandered about the castle, not really sure where he was going. Arthur had told him to do something or something, he couldn't remember. Nothing seemed important anymore, his day to day duties seemed trivial but even so he had not neglected them. He knew that Arthur had noticed, that Gaius had noticed. Everyone seemed to have noticed but he couldn't bring himself to care. He wanted them to notice and do something.

It had only been a week. Merlin was listless and couldn't stay still. He seemed to have become a ghost of his former self, floating around the castle, everyone stayed out of his way. Even Gwaine steered clear of him. Only Arthur tried to talk to him anymore, besides ordering him around.

He just felt like he was drowning in guilt. He wanted someone to know but he was sworn to secrecy, he knew that everyone was worried about him. But they didn't ask, so he didn't tell. Well … he wouldn't have told anyway but still. Lucky that Arthur had already thought him the worst servant ever and he hadn't been fired. He wished that Arthur would order a hunting trip. He needed to get away from here; he needed a legitimate excuse to leave, one beyond his control, that no one could blame him for. . .

'Merlin!' he spun around, eyes wide and fearful, he knew that voice, all too well. Agravaine slammed him against the wall by his throat

'My chambers, sunset' and then he was gone, leaving Merlin slumped against the wall massaging his throat, gasping.

He wasn't sure exactly why he had become Agravaine's personal punching bag. He supposed the older man had a lot of anger and he needed to vent it somewhere. Being a traitor to the King and keeping up the act must be exhausting after all. Why he chose Merlin, the boy had no idea. He had been threatened not to tell anyone. As if anyone would believe him if he had told. He was a servant, and Agravaine was a lord and the King's uncle. He couldn't compare with that. So just before sundown Merlin finished polishing Arthur's armour and made his way to Agravaine's chamber. He took a deep breath before knocking; barging in on Agravaine would only result in more pain for him. He briefly wondered what was in store for him tonight when the door opened and Agravaine ushered him inside, all smiles until the door closed and they were alone.

Merlin stood uncertainly, accepting the offered drink because he knew that he wouldn't be getting anything else until he was set free tomorrow. It'd only get labelled as 'insolence' anyway.

XXX

Within an hour Merlin was hurting in six – no – seven different places. He rolled over, clutching his bared stomach and bit back his moan. Agravaine seemed to have had enough with using his fists now. Time to get creative.

'Stand up' he ordered and Merlin did so with difficulty and he hobbled over to the wall Agravaine indicated. Knowing what was expected of him he placed his hands on the wall and spread his legs for support. He squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lip hard enough to draw blood, knowing what was to come. He hadn't healed properly from yesterday and he was sure at least four of the lashes were infected. He couldn't reach his back properly and it's not like he was going to ask Gaius to help him. He barely used magic anymore. The pain seemed to have dulled his ability somehow. Even making the candle go out at night had become mentally exhausting.

Agravaine selected the whip; a long thin, cruel thing, that was as sharp as Arthur's sword and hurt just as much. He was almost certain that Morgana had enchanted these tools to cause as much pain as possible. Merlin had to force back a scream as the whip cracked for the first of thirty seven times that night, black spots danced across his vision and he knew that he mustn't pass out; because if he did, his lashes would only be doubled when he woke up . . . If he were only thinking of himself then he would have wished not to wake up. But Arthur still needed him. The man could barely dress himself after all.

Merlin whimpered as the whip came down for the last time on his bloodied back. He then collapsed onto the stone floor, next to his clothes, he was shaking too hard to support himself by now. Agravaine slid a gloved hand down the whip and flicked it at Merlin who flinched, splattering the servant in his own blood. Agravaine then took hold of Merlin's hair and dragged him across the chamber, leaving a bloody trail on the stone. Merlin could feel his skin slowly peeling away from his body and sobbed in relief when the older man released him. But not for long. Agravaine took a bucket of icy water Merlin had brought him the other day at his request and threw it over the trembling boy. At least he was cleaner now, but he was still pretty sure he looked like a slab of meat. It didn't stop the blood flow but the ice was slightly numbing. Agravaine then dismissed him, turning to his bed and undressing as if nothing had happened. Merlin gathered his clothes, pulled them on and was just about to leave when a hand reached out and twisted his wrist painfully, Merlin cried out, earning him a knee to the stomach.

'Remember not to tell, Merlin' Agravaine hissed 'It's our little secret. Unless of course you want me to go and accidently trip Gaius up at the top of a staircase or mistakenly lace Gwaine's food with something stronger than ale.' His grip tightened, the threats were as terrifying as the first night 'So many ways to 'accidently' hurt someone Merlin' he said, caressing the manservant's cheek softly 'And it would all be your fault!' With that he pushed Merlin out into the corridor 'And you'll need to clean that up tomorrow' he sneered before bolting his door shut.

Merlin stayed there for a moment before dragging himself to a darkened corner to rest for a while. He doubted he could stand yet. Not all of those lashes had been to his back. Lucky he was clumsy, he thought. A limp could be put down to tripping on the stairs, a sore back to a bad target practice. There were so many excuses, and Merlin had become an expert.

XXX

When Merlin finally made it back to Gaius' chambers and painfully climbed the stairs to his own room, he was so exhausted that it was all he could do to undress, magic his clothes spotless again, pull on a nightshirt, collapse onto his stomach and sleep.

About three hours later the sun rose and its rays brought him groggily out of slumber. He had to force himself not to cry out and wake Gaius as he moved so he let out a groan instead. It was painful to get up, it was painful to get dressed, it was painful to walk. It was becoming so that it hurt to even breathe. Before Gaius awoke, Merlin had made himself a remedy for the pain … it didn't help much but it took the edge off and he was already out the door to fetch Arthur's breakfast. He hadn't eaten anything himself, he almost never did nowadays; he just wasn't hungry anymore. Already his clothes hung loosely about his frame and his skin was so pale that he looked like the ghost he pretended to be. He knocked on Arthur's door and waited until he heard a groggy 'enter' before balancing the tray one handed and slipping quietly into the room. Without looking at the king he gently laid the tray on the table, wincing slightly as he bent over to do so. Then he turned to leave before a voice stopped him

'Merlin?' He sounded so surprised that the young warlock stopped in his tracks, trembling slightly at the effort of standing up straight.

'Yes sire?' he didn't turn to face his king but he could almost imagine the furrowed brow behind him

'Is something wrong?'

'No sire' Merlin choked, he was so close. This wasn't the first time he had almost come clean, broken down and told Arthur everything. But for his sake, and therefore everyone else's, he didn't 'what makes you think something is wrong?' the woodwork of the door was truly fascinating. Honestly much more interesting than the crystal blue eyes he knew would be trained on him, silently worrying about him, silently asking (that was the closest Arthur ever got to begging) his manservant to let him in.

'You knocked' Arthur pointed out 'and you're early, and you're not talking, and you're limping and you've been the same for the past week! You won't talk to anyone, Gaius is going spare, Gwaine has asked me about you on at least three separate occasions, you look like you haven't slept in a week and everyone is worried about you Merlin!' Arthur's voice had risen to almost a shout.

'I … I'm fine' Merlin stuttered, still not facing him 'I just tripped yesterday and–'

'Save it Merlin!' Arthur yelled 'I don't believe you! Something is going on and you can't keep a secret to save your life!' (Merlin almost laughed aloud … almost) 'So you are going to tell me right now!'

'Nothing's going on sire!' Merlin's voice was high and panicky and it was obvious he was lying

'Damn it Merlin!' Arthur yelled 'Look at me!' when Merlin still didn't turn, Arthur grabbed his shoulder and jerking him around, slammed his back to the door. He didn't think he had been rough, but Merlin's pained gasp and tearing eyes told him otherwise, Arthur dropped him immediately and watched concerned as the boy crumpled to the floor and seemed to fight for breath.

'Sorry' Arthur said briskly, reaching out to pull Merlin up. He stopped in his tracks when Merlin cowered … literally cowered away from him, as if he were scared of him, as if Arthur was going to hurt him. Arthur was astonished and even a little hurt that he could inspire such fear in the only person he could truly call a close friend. He squatted down next to his frightened manservant and met his eyes, blue met blue and after a long moment, one relaxed. Merlin stood again, ignoring the hand offered; he flushed, knowing that he had just confirmed the king's suspicions that something was indeed wrong. There was no means of escape for him now, his eyes dropped to the floor and he waited.

Arthur reached out and tentatively took Merlin's hand in his own, not pulling away when Merlin flinched. He tilted the warlock's chin up so their eyes had to meet. Arthur was startled by the sheer amount of pure fear in them. What on Earth could scare Merlin that much? He knew he teased his servant mercilessly for being a coward but he didn't actually believe it. Merlin was braver than all his knights put together, at least they had signed up for danger. Merlin hadn't, yet he risked his life again and again for his king that far exceeded the boundaries of an average servant-master duty. All that and Merlin still didn't get armour or a title. He could change that he thought … but then again he didn't want the power going to his manservant's foolish head.

'Merlin' he ordered softly 'tell me' Merlin just shook his head, eyes wide; pleading with the king to leave him alone, to let him escape and curl up into a ball and sob his heart out,

'Please?' This brought Merlin up short; he didn't think he could remember a time when Arthur had said please to him non-sarcastically. He shook his head once more and Arthur gave up. He hung his head for a second and patted Merlin on the shoulder, causing him to bite back a wince

'All right' he said gently 'I can't make you tell me. But I think we could both do with some time away from Camelot. How about a hunting trip? Without the hunting' Merlin didn't say anything but Arthur noticed the hopeful change in his friends eye and so he continued 'I'll order a picnic prepared and horses ready for tomorrow at dawn. That way we can have a whole day off instead of riding off around noon and only getting a couple of hours' he winked at Merlin who was smiling a genuine smile for the first time in days. It was small, granted, but still … it was real.

XXX

When Arthur went to tell his uncle of his 'hunting' plans the following day, he found the man less than happy at the fact that he was taking Merlin with him. In fact he glared at his manservant in a way that made the King uncomfortable. Merlin was standing by the door, as if looking for an escape route, but his face was strangely blank. Merlin was never emotionless; he was always feeling something and usually those emotions played across his face.

'But sire' Agravaine protested 'you know as well as I do that the boy cannot hunt! He almost shot me through the head last time!' Arthur almost laughed at the memory

'I'm pretty sure he was aiming for the rabbit' -Wrong-. Thought Merlin morosely -I was aiming for his leg- 'but even so' the King continued 'Merlin is my manservant and I wish him with me. I thought that it would cheer him up a bit, he's seemed a little down for the past few days' Merlin blanched and looked down, not daring to meet Agravaine's glittering eyes. Arthur just looked oblivious and cheerful -How can you not know!- Merlin wanted to scream at him -how can't you see the way he's looking at me?- But he mustn't have seen because he just kept smiling arrogantly as his uncle spoke again

'I am surprised sire, that you care more about one servant's feelings than your own safety! Merlin should not be allowed to hold a weapon. Besides,' he lowered his voice slightly but Merlin could still hear every word 'we both know that there is still a traitor in our midst and why couldn't it be this serving boy? He certainly has access to all of the information.' Agravaine's voice was slick and as oily as his hair. Arthur frowned at his uncle

'I do not believe for one second that Merlin could betray me! He has risked his life for me too many times to count! All he would have had to do was not act and no one would have blamed him.' Merlin felt himself swell with pride and he could feel a faint blush creep up his neck. Maybe Arthur did appreciate him after all. 'Besides, he's an idiot' he deflated, but fought a grin at the same time. -Prat- he thought fondly. Agravaine looked sheepish and mollified, but anger was present there too. Merlin gulped, knowing where that anger would go. He had managed to stop the bleeding on his back due to a mixture of icy water, herbs and magic. Not much of the latter though, not enough to heal them completely; Agravaine wasn't an idiot, and he liked to reopen his wounds, so they still hurt … a lot.

This meeting was draining him. He wanted nothing more than to go and lie down and sleep for a month. His back and leg were throbbing painfully, he hadn't eaten since the day before yesterday and he felt empty and hollow, not helped by the nausea that came with the close proximity to Agravaine coupled with the instinct to grab Arthur and drag him bodily away from the traitor. Instead he was just standing there, doing nothing and trying not to collapse.

'Nevertheless sire I still strongly advise you to take another knight or two with you, maybe some guards…' he trailed off as Arthur shook his head in amused bewilderment

'Really uncle? I'm hardly in danger from Merlin' he chuckled. 'I fear the deer more. Now, I trust you'll take care of Camelot while we are gone?' the subject was obviously closed and although his uncle didn't look happy about the situation he didn't press it.

'Of course sire' he said, inclining his head politely. As he turned to leave he called out directly to the manservant

'Oh and Merlin?' the boy looked up; neutral mask back in place, refusing to acknowledge his writhing stomach or let the fear show 'I would like to see you in my chambers before you retire. I have a number of chores that need doing. Most of the other servants are in bed you see.'

Merlin gave a jerky nod, not trusting himself to speak. Walking was difficult enough, how could he be expected to ride tomorrow with a freshly opened back? Fortunately, Arthur came to his rescue

'Couldn't it wait until tomorrow uncle?' he asked, oblivious to the sinister tone 'It's just that Merlin needs to pack and he looks as if he's about to fall over anyway. He should rest while he can' Agravaine nodded kindly, turning his dangerously dark eyes on the warlock

'Of course' he complied 'the tasks are hardly urgent' then, with another hard glare at Merlin, he left to seethe.

Merlin breathed again, finding it difficult not to laugh in relief. He was spared of a night of pain and would spend the next day with his friend the King. A chance to relax would be very welcome. He smiled at Arthur who motioned them to leave the throne room and make their way to their respective chambers.

'Goodnight Arthur!' Merlin called cheerfully as they came to part

'Goodnight Merlin' Arthur returned, clapping him on the shoulder, not noticing the sharp intake of breath 'bright and early tomorrow.' He gave his servant a mock-severe look before watching him limp away. He shook his head fondly -dolt- he thought -there goes the clumsiest person in Camelot.-

XXX

Merlin woke the next morning before dawn. The pain in his back was agonizing. Yes, some of those scars to be were definitely infected. He thought about wrapping a bandage around his torso but doubted he could do so without waking Gaius. Funny how he hadn't actually talked to Gaius in four whole days. He hadn't seen him awake since. He was always out early and back late, so he always missed dinner and usually breakfast unless he felt like grabbing an apple or a roll of bread from the kitchens, which he most often didn't. He did this morning however; breaking a bit of bread off the loaf and munching as he set to work packing. It wasn't that he was hungry; he just knew that he would need the energy for the ride.

He packed enough food for two, knowing that he would only eat half of his portion at the most and Arthur would eat the rest, he also packed some herbs and some emergency bandages (just in case) and a change of clothes (also, just in case) and blankets to use for a rug and a few other things he thought they might need. By the time he had finished he could barely lift his own pack, let alone Arthurs', but he didn't think he could take anything out … he debated for a minute before laying his own spare set of clothes aside, he wasn't planning to remove his shirt, no matter how hot it became. Arthur's spare boots could also go, and so could one of the blankets. There, that made them a bit lighter. But he still had to lug them down to the stables.

By he time he got there, his back was screaming in protest, not helped by the fact that he had to duck a wayward horseshoe thrown by the stable hand for waking him. He loaded Arthur's horse (his was bigger than Merlins and could carry the extra weight) and ran back up the stairs to Arthur's chambers to see if he needed help with anything when he rounded the corner and ran straight in to Agravaine. Merlin let out a surprised squawk of terror and backed up abruptly, but Agravaine reached out to grab the boys shoulder. He shoved him backwards against the stone wall, his other hand found his throat and began to squeeze. Merlin choked, and fought for breath, trying to focus on breathing rather than the fact that the older man was pushing him downwards, deliberately scraping his flayed back on the wall the entire way. He then kicked the back of his injured leg, causing the boy to gasp in pain.

'As soon as you get back you had better hurry straight to me' he growled, increasing the pressure on his throat. Merlin's hands scrabbled uselessly at the stronger one 'If I have to hear of your return from someone else …' he slammed Merlin's head back, letting go as he did so and striding coolly to the end of the corridor before disappearing from view.

Merlin sat there on his hands and knees, taking in great gulps of air, forcing himself to keep the bread down. After a full minute of sitting there trembling he struggled up and continued to Arthurs door. Once outside he took another minute to compose himself. He adjusted his neckerchief, making sure that they covered the place Agravaine's hand had been and he flexed his right leg, realising that even in that short journey, the noble had just made his limp far more pronounced. He cursed under his breath; riding would be near impossible, even walking around with a straight back would be difficult now. It felt like it was on fire. He knew the wounds had opened again, he could feel the blood trickling down his back. He whispered a small spell to stem the flow and then flung the door open, just in time to see Arthur almost get hit in the face with it. Merlin chuckled, ignoring the glare Arthur sent him

'Most damage you've ever done to me Merlin' he said sarcastically 'much better than in practice, you actually caught me off guard!' Merlin didn't miss the laughter in his eyes and his heart lightened.

'Shall we go?' asked Merlin excitedly. Arthur nodded so they made their way back down to the stables where Merlin mounted his horse with difficulty, trying not to gasp in pain and failing miserably, ignoring Arthur's sigh he clicked his tongue and was halfway out the gate before Arthur caught up with him

'You're eager' the King laughed, and Merlin smiled at him in reply

'And you're a turd-face'

'What?'

'A turd-face' Arthur grinned, despite being aware that he was being insulted

'Another new insult?'

'Yup' and then his horse overtook the Kings, leaving them both laughing at the absurdity.

-The happiest he's looked in a week-, Arthur thought fondly. -Maybe today I'll find out what's been bothering him- As King of Camelot, surely he could take care of his manservant's debts or whatever it could be.

As they galloped through the woods Arthur noticed Merlin was tiring. He was in front, but his back was covered with sweat, Merlin seemed to be mumbling to himself and he was swaying slightly on his horse. But he wasn't complaining; which was unusual, and a very bad sign.

'Merlin' Arthur called; his manservant stopped but didn't turn. 'How about we stop at the next clearing?' Merlin nodded. They had passed through a few clearings already and Merlin had been so close to asking if they could rest in one. His back was on fire. He had to mutter constant spells to keep his shirt blood free. He could feel the crimson liquid slide down his back; he was breathing heavily and he had a headache from all the magic. It was the most he'd used in days and it was taking its toll.

Arthur rode on, passing his manservant for the first time and found that the next clearing was only a short distance away. If it had been too far then he would've insisted that they stop where they were. He slid gracefully from his horse and walked it to a nearby tree, tying it securely to a low branch so it would still be able to graze. He lifted his pack from behind the saddle and placed it by a conveniently shaped log. He unpacked the food and set it out on one of the blankets. He inspected the rest of their supplies for the day and found that while he had a spare set of clothes; Merlin had forgotten to pack himself a spare shirt. He rolled his eyes. It wasn't like he was expecting Merlin to remove his clothes at any point, but the way he had been sweating for the ride, plus the heat of a summer's day meant that he would have to either bathe or change in order not to smell like a sewer… Well it was a good thing that there was a stream nearby. Speaking of, where was Merlin? Surely it hadn't been that far to the clearing. As he stood up to go and search for said manservant, he stumbled into view, holding his horse by the reins and panting heavily. He made his way over to the same tree Arthur had, tied his horse and collapsed to the ground, a grimace of pain on his pale face.

'For goodness sake Merlin, what's the matter?' Arthur said, rushing over to the boys' side. Merlin waved him off with a perfectly constructed fake smile

'I'm fine' he replied breathlessly 'I just fell off the horse back there; it knocked the wind out of me, that's all' Arthur pursed his lips

'Right' he said sarcastically 'You don't look fine. You haven't for days now.' Merlin's eyes were squeezed shut and his breathing was shallow. He seemed to be concentrating hard on something 'And here there is no one else to overhear us. Why do you think I brought you on this trip? Please tell me what's wrong!'

'Nothing!' Merlin insisted, with as much conviction as Gwaine has when he slurs that 'I'm notch drung majeshty, honesht'

'Well I don't believe you' Arthur said heatedly, turning away

'Fine!' Merlin retorted 'Then can we just agree to disagree and start on the food?' he wasn't actually hungry, but it diverted the conversation well, and soon Merlin was nibbling on a bit of bread and cheese while Arthur devoured a chicken leg. Merlin was right; Arthur did eat far more than his share. But Merlin couldn't call him out on it without the King realising how little that he himself had eaten. So he kept his mouth shut, and his ears open. But he let his eyes slide closed. He was just so tired. The ride had exhausted him. He couldn't even stop the bloodstains anymore, so he resolved instead to not turn his back on the King. He shuffled backwards until he found a tree; Arthur was still eating and so didn't notice. Maybe he could sleep for a while. Just a little while…

Arthur wiped his mouth on the edge of the blanket and stared at the huddle that was his manservant. He wasn't even peaceful in sleep. He twisted against the tree trunk, occasionally crying out softly. It made something in Arthurs chest twist painfully. He didn't want to wake the boy, he obviously needed some sleep. But he couldn't bear to watch Merlin so uncomfortable. So he gathered one of the blankets and folded it to make it thicker, and more Merlin's size, and he laid it on the grass, then he padded his pack with the other blanket for a pillow and then walked over to Merlin. He gently picked up the young warlock and was rewarded with a whimper, concerned, Arthur lay him down onto the makeshift bed. As he drew his hand out from under Merlins back, he noticed that it was wet with more than just sweat. Where had the blood come from? Being as careful not to wake him as possible, Arthur turned Merlin onto his side and gasped. His whole back was soaked with blood. How had Arthur not noticed this? He was about to lift up the shirt when Merlin awoke and let out a cry of alarm before he scurried away as fast as he could, clutching his shirt.

'What do you think you're doing?' he demanded defensively

'I'm sorry' said Arthur, taken aback by the anger in his servant's voice

'You had no right to do that, no right at all!' Arthur was shocked to see his eyes fill with tears but his words sparked the worry he felt and turned it to anger

'I am your King, and you are hurt Merlin, I had every right' he said, filling his voice with as much royalty as he could 'You haven't been yourself for days and I want to know why'

'You can't know!' Merlin squeaked, 'You can't!'

'Why not?' Arthur demanded

'Because bad things will happen'

'What bad things?'

'I can't say' Merlin wailed. He was confused and hurt, and these questions scared him. If Agravaine found out that Arthur suspected something then his friends would pay the price and he couldn't risk that.

'Fine' said Arthur, voice suddenly soft 'don't tell me' Merlin sighed in relief 'but at least let me take a look at your back' Merlin stiffened

'You're not a physician' he said 'You won't be able to treat it'

'Maybe not, but are you going to show Gaius?' Merlin looked stricken at the very thought 'Exactly. Besides, I've dealt with battle wounds before, come on' he took Merlin's arm and led him to the stream. Merlin wasn't struggling, but he seemed defeated as he dragged his feet along the turf which was much worse. Arthur placed him on a rock and the told him to remove his shirt and neckerchief. He removed the neckerchief first and Arthur pursed his lips at the bruising that made it look like he'd been choked but didn't comment. Despite the complete lack of answers from the boy in question he was sure that someone was doing this to him. Merlin then reached down and took hold of the hem of his shirt. He took a few deep breaths and screwed up all of his courage. His hands were shaking; he was terrified of what Arthur would think, how he would react. Would he see him as weak? Unable to defend himself? Would he be angry that Merlin had not told him? Would he care? -Of course he cares- Merlin berated himself -he wouldn't be so insistent if he didn't care-. It was this thought alone that allowed his hands to lift his shirt up and over his head. He dropped it on the pebbles and squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to see Arthur's reaction.

Arthur felt paralyzed. He couldn't move. His mouth was gaping open and his eyes were wide. There was anger there too. A blazing, white hot anger that anyone could do this to another human being, let alone Merlin, his clumsy, cheerful, cowardly, goofy, yet strangely adorable manservant. His back looked like something out of the butcher's window. It was raw and bloody, the skin was flayed and hardly any of it was intact. There was pus too, some of the wounds were rimmed with yellow and green, they were obviously infected. He was amazed that Merlin was still conscious, let alone walking, and talking and riding for Albion's sake. He had seen his fair share of battle wounds, but they had always been soldiers, who were used to pain, and battled through it, but anyone with wounds close to this severity were usually whimpering wrecks on the healer's beds, and nobody could ever blame them for seeming weak. It was obvious how much pain they were in. And those men usually died. This boy in front of him was not a soldier. He was a manservant who was supposed to polish Arthur's armour and muck out his stables, not be subjected to such … torture! Arthur wanted to know who had done this to his Merlin. Because he would have them executed.

Arthur said nothing as he ripped off a piece of Merlins already ruined shirt to use for a rag and wet it in the river. He didn't want to scare Merlin by acting as if he was shocked. He kept quiet as he cleaned the wounds as best he could. The only sounds to be heard were the gentle bubbling of the stream and the quiet sobbing coming from Merlin. When his back was pretty much free of blood, Arthur started to lift up the flaps of skin to see how his back would usually look. He was extremely gentle. Not forcing any part to move where it wouldn't, not adding any strain. It was slow work, and he knew that Merlin needed Gaius. Arthur had sewn wounds up before, but here he had no needle or thread, much less anything to help the pain. And Merlin deserved more comfort and expertise than Arthur had. First, he would get Merlin to open up. Then he would sort out what or whoever Merlin was afraid of, then he would get Gaius to patch Merlin up. And then he would be there for Merlin, if he needed anything; it would be his.

'Who did this to you Merlin?' Arthur asked as he wrapped a bandage around the warlock's torso, there were bruises on his stomach too; as he expected, Merlin stiffened. But Arthur swore to himself that he wouldn't get angry, not matter what, because Merlin was scared enough already, and there was no use adding to that fear and making him shut down.

'Nobody' Arthur sighed.

'We both know that's not true' he said calmly, tying the bandage in place and walking over to the pack to grab his spare shirt; he slid it over Merlin's head, careful not to rub it against the bandage before walking around to sit in front of his manservant 'wounds like that don't happen by themselves' Merlin just blinked at him, his eyes were wide and terrified, but there was a hint of sadness there too

'You won't believe me' Arthur cocked his head to one side, puzzled but Merlin continued 'at least, you shouldn't believe me'

'Why not?'

'Because I'm just a servant.' He stated simply; breaking the eye contact and looking down at Arthur's boots, which were very shiny still.

'You know that doesn't matter to me' Arthur said, reaching across to wipe away a tear. Merlin met his eyes once more, clear and blue they spoke the truth, the same truth that his mouth spoke. Arthur wasn't lying to him. Merlin's eyes were full of uncertainty. But his heart was certain. He wanted to tell Arthur. He trusted Arthur. He knew that Arthur would believe him, no matter what he said next, and he would act on it.

'Agravaine' he choked. A huge weight lifted off his chest at the same time angry snakes took up residence in his stomach. It all came down to this, how Arthur would react to him accusing a family member of such violence. But he didn't lower his gaze, or even blink. He needed Arthur to see that he was telling the truth. After a flicker of surprise, anger, shock, hurt, betrayal and acceptance, Arthur nodded.

'I believe you' but Merlin couldn't leave it at that, now that Arthur was finally listening

'He's working with Morgana' he added ignoring Arthur's falling face 'I just ended up being his … vent for anger, but he's betraying you. He's been passing her information. He's the traitor…' More tears were falling now 'I'm sorry'

'Don't be sorry Merlin. You tried to tell me sooner and I … I didn't listen. I didn't believe you.' His face hardened

'Agravaine will pay, for hurting you'

'And for betraying you?' Arthur looked at him, with a strange emotion in his face and then turned away

'He will already be sentenced to death Merlin. I can't kill him twice.'

'For beating a servant? You can't kill him for that!' Merlin scrambled to his feet

'I am the King; I can do what I want'

'But people beat servants all the time. Nobody cares about that Arthur' Arthur whirled around, his hands automatically finding Merlin's shoulders

'I care!' he yelled 'he wasn't clipping you on the ear for forgetting his breakfast of throwing a shoe at you for calling him fat; he was whipping you just because he was angry!' Arthur shook Merlin slightly, eyes boring deeply into the warlock's 'That's not right! You are my servant and my friend! And he hurt you! For no reason' Arthur clutched at Merlins arms, shaking with anger 'And I let it happen! It's my fault!' his voice quietened into sobs. Merlin, astonished, reached around to pat his King's back comfortingly, tears falling down his own face. He was touched that Arthur thought of him that way. That he felt so strongly that he had to protect him.

'It's not your fault that I didn't tell you Arthur' he whispered. They both sank down to their knees on the pebbles, Arthur pulled back and his tortured eyes met Merlin's

'Now you are going to sentence your uncle to … whatever you want, but you are going to do it because he betrayed the kingdom. This …' he gestured about him 'will remain secret. Nobody needs to know.'

'How can you be so calm?' he asked 'Why aren't you angry?'

'Anger won't change the past' Merlin said sadly 'and it usually just makes things worse' Arthur sat back.

'I'm having one of those moments Merlin' he admitted 'when I look at you and I don't see a doltish servant, but a wise man' Merlin smiled at him

'Prat'

'Idiot'

'Clotpole'

'Dolt'

'Dollop head'

'Fool'

'Turnip head'

'Turd-face'

'Hey!' cried Merlin indignantly as Arthur sat there with a stupid smug smile on his stupid smug face 'That's my new word!' Arthur just winked and they both dissolved into boyish laughter.

'Moment over' Arthur said, wiping his eyes. Then he looked up at the sky 'It's getting late, we should get back' immediately, all mirth was wiped from their faces as the reality of the situation sunk in.

'Agravaine is expecting me, as soon as we get back' Merlin said quietly

'Don't go' Merlin looked up

'I can't!' he said, scandalised 'He threatened Gaius, and Gwaine, and anyone I know! Please Arthur, if I don't go then he could kill them!' Arthur nodded solemnly.

'Then I'll go with you.' He watched as Merlin hesitated for a moment and then agreed, seeing that there was no other way. He still looked desolate, so he reached out a hand to clasp his manservants. At that touch, it felt like a bolt of lightening had struck them where their skin connected. It was like fire coursed through each of them, and they both knew in their hearts that they had grown closer today than either had thought possible. Merlin still looked lost, and scared. So Arthur pulled him in and closed his arms around his friend in a hug

'Don't worry' he promised 'I won't let him hurt you again' Merlin just nodded and accepted the leg up from Arthur with a flicker of a smile.

XXX

Their journey back seemed to take half the time of their riding out, possibly because they were doing their best to stop frequently and trot as slowly as possible. Neither wanted to face what was waiting in Camelot. Arthur was swamped by betrayal; how could his uncle do this to him? How could he do that to Merlin? He didn't understand why everyone he cared about had some dark secret that involved them wanting him dead.

'Thank Camelot you're above all that' he said aloud to a puzzled Merlin who suddenly had a strange feeling that he'd been complimented and insulted at the same time, and so he ignored his Kings outburst and instead withdrew into his own mind glad that at least the horse seemed to know where it was going. Not really hard with a bloody great castle looming over the next hill but Merlin wasn't really paying attention to the landscape. He was thinking of Arthur, and what he would do to Agravaine. He didn't really want the man put to death on his account, but he knew that Arthur cried for blood. The Prat really was over protective sometimes … but then he thought of that touch, and that hug … and he couldn't bring himself to care.

They passed through the gates of the citadel just as the sun was beginning to set. The sky was set alight and the darkening clouds set a beautiful contrast to the shimmering background of the sky. But the two young minds that dismounted and led their horses to the stables weren't admiring the sky. Their tasks were grimmer; the raven haired boy seemed even more reluctant than the man about to accuse his own uncle of treason. He fumbled with the reins and Arthur patted him on the shoulder

'Come on Merlin' he said bracingly, but there was no laughter in his tone 'It won't do to keep uncle waiting'

XXX

Merlin knocked on the door as he had so many times before, this time however the fear had changed. He wasn't sure if it was worse or if it had lessened but it was definitely different with Arthur's presence a little further down the corridor. He resisted the urge to glance at Arthur, to draw strength from the man who was such a comfort; he had to face his demons alone.

Agravaine opened the door as usual, the greedy glint in his eye as he noticed who it was; he ushered him in and Arthur followed, taking the older man by surprise

'Sire!' he exclaimed 'Did you have need of me?'

'I wanted this to be private' Arthur said, his embarrassment was evident and Merlin's heart went out to him, Agravaine still had his perfectly fake fatherly expression on, but his eyes betrayed a slight amount of fear and suspicion.

'I have figured out the traitor' Arthur said in a monotone voice, Agravaine started 'I did it by process of elimination. We ruled out my knights, Gaius, the servants and Merlin, that leaves the members of the court' Agravaine said nothing, he seemed to be considering his next move

'Three of the court are so elderly that they have to have chambers as close to the courtrooms as possible, and a servant waiting on them constantly. Those three would never be able to leave the castle in order to consort with Morgana. Several of them have been absent with illness at various meetings, meaning that they would not have had access to all of the information that Morgana seemed to have. And one of the two remaining is me. So … this leaves you uncle'

Agravaine laughed, his nervous, short laugh that meant he knew that he was in big trouble

'Arthur' he said cajolingly 'I know you want to find this traitor as quickly as possible. But have you proof?'

'The process of elimination is proof enough' Arthur interjected, now staring his uncle in the eye 'There is also a witness who has seen you consorting with Morgana'

'Oh?' his cold eyes flickered dangerously to Merlin, who looked at Arthur pleadingly 'and who is this witness?'

'Merlin'

'Merlin!' exclaimed Agravaine, incredulous 'You would take the word of a servant over that of your own uncle?'

'Yes' Arthur said simply, meeting his manservant's eyes for a split second. 'Because treason isn't your only crime is it?' The anger was rising in him now, and he looked every bit the King that Uther had been, eyes hard and unforgiving as he stared Agravaine down. Merlin knew that this was going to end badly

'Arthur' he pleaded quietly, he was begging the man to shut up, to not say anything about him. Arthur didn't seem to get the message, or if he did, he was too angry to do anything but ignore it

'I know what you did to Merlin' Arthur growled, fighting down the bile at the thought of his manservant's abused body, Agravaine whirled on the boy

'You told him!' he shrieked, looking quite demented 'I knew you would! That's why I wanted him to take guards, so they could keep an eye on you. But you ruined everything!' He advanced on Merlin, causing the terrified warlock to back up into the wall, bombarded by memories of an angry Agravaine, and what that meant for him, pain, usually.

But this time Arthur was there, he stepped in front of Agravaine, shielding Merlin

'It's over uncle' he said, his voice was calm but dangerous and his fists were clenched at his sides 'You won't hurt him again'

'Maybe not' Agravaine hissed, he backed away towards the door 'You on the other hand' there was the sound of metal and almost faster than eyes could comprehend, a dagger was flying across the room, Merlin yelled, and instinctively his eyes flashed gold and Arthur was thrown aside.

'Guards!' Arthur cried from the floor 'take Lord Agravaine to the dungeons!' He sat up, marvelling at how lucky he was to have tripped sideways just at the right time. He looked up at his manservant with a grin, a grin that slid off his face immediately

Merlin was pinned against the wall; eyes wide with pain, mouth gaping as he struggled to breathe, and Agravaine's dagger protruding from his stomach.

'No' Arthur breathed as he watched his manservant slide to the floor, leaving a bloody trail on the wall 'NO!' Arthur was at his side in a second 'someone fetch Gaius!' he yelled, hoping that some guards were still around, or a servant, or anyone 'hurry!' He felt his friend's brow, it was clammy, Merlins face was twisted in pain and his breathing was laboured, for a moment he tried to struggle so sit up properly but Arthur held him down. Their eyes met

'Merlin' Arthurs voice was soft, filled with worry and tears Merlin held his gaze, and his own voice shook with pain and fear

'Arthur' Merlin coughed, and a bubble of blood trickled from his mouth

'No!' Arthur cried a tear falling down his cheek 'You can't die! Not after all this'

Merlin reached up, and with monumental effort, managed to wipe away the tear. They didn't break eye contact, not once.

'No man is worth your tears' Merlin quoted with a hint of his old smile. Arthur let out a choked laugh as another tear fell

'You're not just any man' he insisted, pulling Merlin onto his lap and stroking his hair, it had to be more comfortable than the wall at any rate

'Why not?' he wasn't sure if Merlin was trying to keep talking to stay awake but he wasn't going to argue

'Because you're an idiot' he said. Merlin coughed a laugh again and more blood appeared, one of Arthur's hands was keeping pressure around the dagger, he didn't know if he should pull it out or not … where was Gaius?

'Prat' Merlin retorted. He gasped as he found that it suddenly hurt to breathe.

'But it's more than that' Arthur continued, he had to tell him, and he had to tell him now. He might not get another chance. 'I love you' he watched as a slow smile spread over Merlin's features. He had only realised the truth of those words on the ride home, that foreign feeling. He now put a name to it, love.

'And I love you, my King' Merlin whispered, his stomach twisted painfully and he fought the urge to cough. His vision was fading, black spots were dancing in the little he could see and he was focused on Arthur's face

'Good' Arthur said. Not knowing what else to say. He saw the fear in his servants eyes grow, 'Merlin?'

'I'm scared, Arthur' he sobbed brokenly 'It wasn't meant to be like this'

'I know' Arthur whispered, placing a kiss to Merlins forehead 'I know'

'Don't ... Don't be a Prat' Was Merlin advice before he closed his eyes, he was still breathing faintly, so Arthur really hoped that he could feel their lips touching, and the warmth it created. He pulled away to see that Merlin's chest was no longer moving. Gaius burst in and took over instantly, wasting no time in enrolling two guards to carry Merlin to his chambers. Arthur trailed along, not feeling. He had gone numb when Merlin had.

XXX

The next morning found King Arthur Pendragon standing vigil over the elderly physician as he worked on his ward. The bloodied dagger was lying in a bowl on the table and Gaius was packing the wound with some herbs to prevent infection and reduce pain. Merlin was asleep, having been given a tincture so that he wouldn't have to endure this. Unfortunately, Arthur was awake to watch it all; he was awake when Merlin had been roused as Gaius eased the dagger out of his stomach. He didn't think he would ever be able to forget the screaming. He had watched as Gaius stitched his back together again and he was watching now as the physician wrapped a clean bandage around Merlins chest and stomach. To bind his back and to keep the herbs in his wound, But Arthur turned away when Gaius bound Merlin's leg. He hadn't known about that, and guessed that Merlin had wanted to keep his dignity. He felt no need to betray that now. But soon enough, the sheets were once again covering him, and now he slept peacefully. Gaius had dabbled a piece of cloth in cold water and placed it on his forehead to help with the fever, before announcing that there was nothing more he could do, and that Merlin would have a chance if he lasted the night.

To say that it was the longest night of Arthur's life would be an understatement. He had over twelve chimes of the church bell to think about that moment in Agravaine's chambers. His confession of love was accepted, and returned, just in time for his love to be torn away from him. If Merlin didn't die, then Arthur would kill him for making him worrying like this, and for leaving him in the first place. Gaius returned every so often to check on Merlin in between his other patients, and Arthur could see the deep almost grief etched into the man's face. It was as if his brain was telling him that Merlin was lost, but he stubbornly refused to give up hope. Arthur realised in that moment just how much he cared for Gaius, the man had been like a second father to him after all, and it was plain to see that he felt the same for Merlin, who had become closer to the elderly man than anyone. Merlin had a way of doing that. Becoming close to people who were usually reluctant. Gaius, Arthur and Gwaine were perfect examples. Merlin would never leave any of them if they were in his position, and Arthur repaid the loyalty.

He sat by his bedside, stroking his hand, whispering soothing words of comfort and love and all the secrets that Merlin didn't know, and unimportant things, like how his favourite colour was orange even though he wore red a lot, but not bright orange, he clarified, soft, like a sunset. He wondered aloud what Merlin's favourite colour was, and admitted that he liked blue on his manservant. However, when the steady stream of visitors began to arrive Arthur didn't speak a word. He just kept hold of Merlins hand and glared at anyone who looked puzzled, as if daring them to question it. No one did; and Arthur was secretly touched by their acceptance. And when servants he didn't know appeared, a woman from the kitchens, a mother from the village, a tailor and a blacksmith.

A young boy who seemed terrified by the presence of the King came, and stuttered out that once, when he was starving on the streets, and people just walked by, Merlin had found him, and taken him to a couple that he knew were unable to have children of their own, he had also given him the dinner that he was carrying. It was rich food, and Merlin had joked that the Prince would be angry at him but never mind.  
The next day, Merlin had been in the stocks. But gave him a cheerful wave as he passed by with his new adoptive parents.

Arthur found it hard not to cry at that story. Then he had thought Merlin had eaten his dinner, and wouldn't listen to any of his silly excuses, but now Merlin's selflessness shined through. He smiled at the boy and asked him how he and his family were doing. He replied that they were all saddened to hear of Merlin's fragile state and that they prayed for him. Arthur thanked him and then returned to silence when the boy was replaced by some other well wisher.

It was amazing to see how many people had been touched and befriended by Merlin. It seemed that everyone he had ever met nursed a soft spot for the servant, what with his blundering clumsiness, goofy smile, unfailing kindness and abject loyalty. Merlin was special, he always had been

'And you will be for many years to come' he insisted aloud. Hoping that Merlin was drawing strength from his words, and was using that to hold on. His position hadn't changed. He was lying straight on his back, his breathing shallow but even. Arthur felt his heart for the umpteenth time. It was still beating. It was deep night now. He only had to fight until sunrise, which couldn't be too far away now. And then he would be fine.

XXX

Unbeknownst to the King, Merlin was losing. He was struggling with all his might, but it was too dark, he was lost, and it was dark. He couldn't find his way out of the invisible maze. There was no light at all. He blundered this way and that but did directions really matter when there was nothing anywhere?

Suddenly, words came to him

'Don't give up now Merlin, you're nearly there. Come back to me' he knew that voice, Arthur! Arthur was there, he hadn't given up on him! So Merlin kept going, dragging himself up when he fell and desperately trying to figure out where to go, but he was tiring fast. The dark seemed to be sticky, dragging him downwards. He tried to fight, but it was hopeless

'No, Merlin NO!' Arthur's voice was an echo, floating on the wind. He tried to hang on to it but it was too insubstantial. He had run out of energy, he fell once more and not even the floor was there to catch him. He was falling and he couldn't bring himself to care.

XXX

Merlin's pulse was slowing. And Gaius neglected his less needy patients to tend to him. Replacing the cloth on his forehead. Arthur knew he spoke words, but he didn't hear them. All he knew was that it was only a few minutes until sunrise. Merlin couldn't worsen now, he couldn't give up! Gaius left to fetch more water, defeat and grief in his eyes. Arthur bowed his head. He couldn't accept that Merlin was going to die. His best friend. His love. He couldn't find it in himself to say goodbye. Instead he pressed his lips to Merlin's cold ones

'Be happy, my love' he whispered as a tear leaked from his eye.

XXX

There was ground again. But he couldn't move. Merlin lay there, helpless. He tried to call on his magic, but he knew that this wasn't a state he could avoid by whispering a few words.

A light. A spark of warmth; both flared at the same time and Merlin sat up, looking towards the light in wonder. He could almost see the words, as if they floated in this dark land, illuminated by the light and the warmth.

'Be happy, my love' He knew that that was Arthur giving up, he knew that he mustn't be doing too well in Camelot. -Prat- Merlin thought -I'll show him not to give up on me- filled with renewed strength, he fought once again. Heading towards the light.

XXX

Arthur was so wrapped up in his grief that he barely noticed Gaius come back. But he did hear Gaius' exclamation

'He moved sire! He's still alive!' the old physician felt his pulse 'It's getting stronger!' he declared with apparent relief. Arthur sat up, tightening his grip on Merlin's hand, and was overwhelmed with joy when he felt Merlin squeeze back.

'Merlin!' he cried grinning widely when those azure blue eyes opened, blinked and finally focussed on him 'How are you feeling?'

'Purple'

'What?' he looked to Gaius 'Is he delusional?' Gaius shrugged and Merlin shook his head

'My favourite colour' he said 'I heard you.' Then Arthur started to laugh. For a long time he couldn't stop. He was joined my Gaius and Merlin until he started coughing and was contented with grinning widely instead. Blue met blue and both knew that things were how they should be once more.

**Author's Note:**

> So what did you think? Any and all opinions welcome :D  
> Let me know  
> Love Tibbins xx


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